Download Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations by Simon Rich PDF

By Simon Rich

In Ant Farm, former Harvard Lampoon president Simon wealthy reveals humor in a few very staggering locations. Armed with a pointy eye for the absurd and an overpowering experience of doom, wealthy explores the ridiculousness of our daily lives. the area, he concludes, is a hopelessly terrifying place–with never-ending comedian potential.

–If your female friend grants a few “love coupons” after which breaks up with you, are the coupons nonetheless valid?

–What type of functionality strain does an endangered male panda believe whilst his captors deliver the final last woman panda to his cage?

–If murderers can get into heaven via accepting Jesus, simply how awkward is it after they run into their victims?

Join Simon wealthy as he explores the intense and hilarious desperation that is living in traditional existence, from cradle to grave.

"Hilarious." –Jon Stewart

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Extra info for Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations

Sample text

Oh my God. I think you’re right. —I can’t believe we fell for it. We were silent for almost twenty minutes! —We have to tell the class! —What’s the point? They’d never believe us. —What about all the other games she taught us? The Politeness Game … the Respect Game … the Clean Up the Tables Game … —What about them? —Those might be fake too. —Whoa. You just blew my mind. —This has got to be the craziest day of my life. ———— a day at UNICEF headquarters as i imagined it in third grade [UNICEF sits on a throne.

I can’t throw him out onto the streets! Even if he is ninety-seven. —Hello, boss. Peanut Al here. —Hi, Al! How are you holding up? —I don’t remember if I added the peanuts or not. —Jesus. —Peanut Al is going home to sleep. Tired as all hell. —All right. Goodbye, Al. —Peanut Al needs to get some rest. You know what? I don’t remember a goddamn thing that happened today. I might’ve put something in the batter. Not peanuts. —Wow. —See you tomorrow. —See what I mean, boss? What are we going to do? —I don’t know.

Okay … that’s … that’s fine. I’m glad we got that out of our system. But now it’s time to get serious. We might not have another chance to talk like this. I need you girls to go to Mt. Sinai Cemetery and dig up my body. Do an autopsy. You’ll find— Who likes Sophie? Jesus, it’s like you’re not even listening to me! Bruce Kobza murdered me! (sighing) Okay … fine, I’ll try to use the damn board. B … B! R … R! Hey, he’s spelling out Brian Pasternak! Brian Pasternak likes Sophie! No! Spirit? Are we pretty?

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